National Coming Out Day

I haven't really posted much in here. Not for a couple of years. But today, I'm using this forum to come out on a few things about myself. I do this because today is Nation Coming Out Day.

I'm panromantic,  asexual  and gender fluid.

What does that mean, you ask? Let me break it down in a couple of categories.

Almost a Year and Still in Doubt

It's been almost a year since I have posted here last. I had been meaning to do so for a while, but kept putting it off. It's been a rough year for me inwardly as I had struggled with my depression and anxiety issues. Good self esteem and confidence have always seem another step away as I go on this entire year continuing to discover who I really am.

As I decided that I wanted to open up a new age/occult shop, I kept becoming distracted by the sweet melody of MMORPG games or some new show. It was as if I was destined to dream but never act. Always coming up with new ideas, but never actually implementing them. I do not really know how much longer I can keep with the dance of never actually completing a project, but I do know that if I ever want to succeed any any of my schemes, I would need to actually take a leap of faith and go for it. But doubt is an addiction. I know you would find it odd for me to call it that, but doubt is the perfect excuse for me to be lazy and not put into action an idea I have worked so hard to formulate.

I feel unsure of exactly why taking the next step is so hard for me. I guess staying on this end, planning without taking a risk is safer. I am less likely to fail because I never give myself that chance to do so. I have a hard time dealing with fear. It's an emotion that can severely cripple me. I guess you would say doubt also keeps me safe.

I don't know who all reads this. Because it has been so long since I posted, I do not have many followers anymore. But for those who do, or stumble up on this post, I would appreciate it if you could tell me if you have had a moment where you were completely crippled with self doubt. And if you were, what did you do to get over it or do have you not jumped over that hurdle like me?

Two Twins

This is a poem I wrote about ten years ago the night after I heard about WTC. I found it appropriate to post this.

I know I'm a day late. Ended up forgetting.

Two Twins

Two brothers, twins, burn by terrorizing fury
Ashes and ashes, they fall and people do they bury
As families unite by this passion to hate
Anger and weariness does our hearts create
And now we stand here, lost and thursty for revenge
A thurst never to be quinched

The snow falls on this family's battlefield
Where worldly neighbors aid them without yield

Another day is gone But not our sun
It's light will forever shine
Over this family of thine

Another family member is injured by means of fire
And now the family does their hearts desire
To let their tears fall as did their loved ones
More vengence do they long
The family member hurt is the family's protector
But injury only made him stronger

The snow falls on this family's battlefield
Where worldly neighbors aid them without yield

Another day is gone But not our sun
It's light will forever shine
Over this family of thine

Another day goes by
And still this family will rise high
To the touch the heavenly sky

Where's my Morals?

Morals. They define who we are and guide us between what is right and wrong. However I feel like this word had been tainted by fear and control.

Now we have gone a long way of changing our ideas of the perfect nuclear family, the mom and dad with two kids and a dog. But there are times when if find that people still seem to think that because someone else says it's wrong that it is.

I'm mostly talking about same sex couples. But not just them, some people still think that interracial or interreligious couple are wrong. But to be honest, who are they hurting? Who exactly are they causing harm? Some answer that the threaten the moral value of family.

How?

Same sex couples they say they can't procreate.

So? Let them adopt. There are plenty of state children needing a home.

Because gays are not fit to raise children.

Not fit to raise a child? What about the idiot heterosexual couple leaving their child in the back of a car in the middle of 90 degree weather while they get drunk in a strip club?!

It boggles my mind that those kind of people can procreate and have children, but a loving and caring same sex parents cannot adopt a child in need of a safe home because it's "immoral". This kind of thinking is depriving children of wonderful and caring guardians. Sexual preference should NOT be a deciding factor for a potential parents.

I'm ALIVE!

Okay, the fact that I haven't posted in a LONG time, suggests that I'm not exactly adhering to my commitment to post here at least once a week. I'm a little angry at myself but here we go again. Gotta keep my mind on the positive.

So here I am again, revisiting a commitment and with no idea what to write about right now. ^^; I have a few posts that were started but never finished. Maybe I'll finish them and post one of them. ^^